10) Cutting all earmarks except those for lean meats and vegetables.
9) Charging a one-dollar fee every time a politician says “the American people.”
8) Reducing the budget burden of Social Security, Medicare, and federal education programs by making elderly who are too sick to work a “key ingredient” in the school lunch program.
7) Slashing regulatory overhead by making businesses swear that they won’t do anything illegal.
6) Eliminating unemployment benefits by handing brooms to the jobless so they can sweep themselves under the rug.
5) Putting the Department of Education up for sale on Craigslist.
4) Telling America to have a Coke and a tax bill.
3) Lowering taxes for the wealthy, waving a magic wand, and saying “presto!”
2) Getting a bloated, tearful Washington to admit to Jillian Michaels that it only spends excessively because it feels unloved and unwanted.
1) Cutting our ballooning military budget by eliminating unnecessary weapons systems and pulling out of draining foreign conflicts with no end in sight. Just kidding, we’ll probably just eliminate all federal financial aid for college.