Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Top Ten Tuesdays: How are we reducing our defense spending?

Special extra savings edition!

12) Saving on ammunition costs by replacing inefficient automatic weapons with bullet-saving muskets.

11) Eliminating full-time staff and instead hiring temporary workers during the heavier holiday bombing season.

10) Guaranteeing to win all wars within 30 days or the next war is free.

9) Restricting surgical strikes to countries that are enrolled in our bombing networks.

8) Cutting down on nightvision expenses by only attacking in broad daylight.

7) Switching from expensive training bootcamps to one intensive weekend session of Call of Duty.

6) Transitioning from paid private contractors to unpaid interns willing to beat a detainee with a urine-soaked Koran for the free experience.

5) Saving on fuel costs by introducing the Bradley Fighting Prius.

4) Outsourcing our policing of the world to China.

3) Allowing the GI Bill to only pay for tuition at the School of Hard Knocks.

2) Replacing our expensive, fallible fleet of military analysts, experts, and secretaries with Paul the Psychic Octopus.

1) Carefully considering whether a future military action is truly necessary and exhausting all other options before embarking on the costly course of war...just kidding, we’ll just stick to invading countries whose asses we know we can kick.


fish said...

Bradley fighting Prius is so so awesome.

WV: cofocka

the focka's stupid buddy.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Kicking Hippies For Right Wing Jebus.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

boy, am I glad I'm not a hippie.

Is it really a good idea to be constantly kicking and punching such old people though?