Thursday, August 12, 2010

Local and Area Men File Defamation Suit Against The Onion

We’re not laughing through our tears, says local man

Madison, Wisconsin - Lawyers representing local and area men nationwide have filed a civil suit against the satirical newspaper The Onion, claiming the publication has had, “a long history of repeatedly slandering us with the same old gags.”

“Frankly, my clients are tired of these shenannigans,” said lead counsel, Hedley DeMoney. “Ever since the founding of The Onion, they have been portrayed as duds, cruds, losers, boozers, misfits, halfwits, upper-class twits, nerds, turds, stalkers, gawkers, stoners, moaners, braggarts, laggards, and Methodists.”

DeMoney is best known for his prosecution of Jokers, Smokers, and M. Tokers v. S. Miller. That case was settled successfully but the results were kept off the record.

“It’s been hell, honestly,” said area man Lenny Baxter of Bloomington, Indiana. “Everyone assumes I’m an idiot who doesn’t know Shiites from Sunnis, even though I am working on my Ph.D. in Middle Eastern Studies. Women won’t go out with me because they say, ‘they know all about my type,’ from reading The Onion. Just because I read comic books and don’t own a TV doesn’t make me one of those locals who masturbates all day long.”

“I’ll tell you what the real crime is,” said Cam Peterson, an area man from Humboldt, California. “They can just do whatever the (expletive) they want, and me and my local brothers can’t do (expletive) about it, man. That’s because they have a monopoly on the satirical means of production.”

Peterson is also filing a separate suit at the paper for calling him a hippie and using his picture without permission.

Some guys who know about these lawyer types have accused DeMoney about being in it only for the money, but DeMoney says the suit is about respect. “My clients are not only tired about being the butt-end of jokes, but of being the butt-end of the same jokes.

“I mean, what does it say about our society when so-called ‘comedy writers’ simply recycle what others have written for cheap laughs instead of bothering to come up with new material?”

6 comments:

fish said...

"I don't really feel like leaving the house, since it's after nine on a Tuesday. There's nothing on TV, I've played all my video games, I'm not hungry, and I have to work in the morning, so I can't get drunk," Reinisch said. "So basically, I've really got no choice."

So, so funny.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I get home from work and it's close to 9, and the FIRST THING I do is open a bottle or ten.
~

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Whatever you say, feesh.
~

msf said...

How did you miss the best one?

Brando said...

MSF, that one is hilarious. I love how they mention he has an old futon as a couch.