Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Top Ten Tuesdays: Why should we reject our Nobel Prize?

10) Peace sells, but we’re not sure who’s buying, and that goes against our free market principles.

9) Plus, anything given out by Europeans is not worth accepting, except for Western civilization.

8) No real American would accept a Nobel Prize during a time of war. Wait, who did? Kissinger? Son of a bitch.

7) Okay, no real American-born American, like Reagan. Speaking of which, it’s a crime that Ronald Reagan didn’t receive this award for Star Wars, which should have been called Star Peace, what with all the Freedom Lasers shooting down Commie missiles.

6) Besides, accepting the award is exactly what our enemies want…wait, what? The Taliban condemned the award. Hamas too? Wow, this is awkward…uh, socialism!

5) All right, answer this: How in the world are we going to make the world a better place if we start listening to what the world wishes we would do?

4) Besides, if the Nobel committee wanted to give something meaningful to America, how about some IKEA coupons?

3) Plus, we’re trying to look forward, and blindly supporting the American president with unwavering patriotism is so November 3, 2008.

2) Finally, the last thing this country needs is to be tainted with the stench of peace.

1) Honestly, ran out of things to rant about and had three hours of airtime to fill.

15 comments:

Jennifer said...

which should have been called Star Peace, what with all the Freedom Lasers shooting down Commie missiles.

LOL

Reminds me of ZRM's "Nuke-hugs".

blue girl said...

Finally, the last thing this country needs is to be tainted with the stench of peace.

LOL and so sad and true.

THE STENCH OF PEACE

lolol I like that phrase.

Funny list, Brando!

Brando said...

This and the cheering over the Olympics are two of the dumbest fucking arguments I have ever seen conservatives make. Which says a lot. Jon Stewart is right, they clearly hate Obama more than they love America.

blue girl said...

I was with my good Right wing friend today and we "discussed" this issue. He's just really pissed and means it because he doesn't think you should *coddle* dictators. He doesn't think diplomacy is the answer. He thinks all humans are basically evil animals (that's why you need God) and all you can really do is beat them back with a stick when they get too close. He thinks talking to animals who are hunting you down will only get you killed.

In a weird, scary way I can see his point. But I still have to believe that diplomacy and negotiation is still way better than stalking around the globe like Bam-Bam, knocking everyone and everything out of your way.

Jennifer said...

This and the cheering over the Olympics are two of the dumbest fucking arguments I have ever seen conservatives make.

And here you were worried that comedic material would go away without Bush in the White House.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

He thinks talking to animals who are hunting you down will only get you killed.

See, there's the problem. the war-mongerers are unable to see others as people.

And many animals will stop trying to kill you if you stop trying to kill them.

Jennifer said...

And many animals will stop trying to kill you if you stop trying to kill them.

Well... there ya go!

He thinks all humans are basically evil animals (that's why you need God)

This thinking drives me crazy. It merely gives people an excuse for not taking responsibility for their actions in the here and now.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

He's just really pissed and means it because he doesn't think you should *coddle* dictators.

Does he need a time line of our dictator coddling? Or perhaps just a picture of Rumsfeld shaking hands with Saddam?
~

blue girl said...

Does he need a time line of our dictator coddling? Or perhaps just a picture of Rumsfeld shaking hands with Saddam?

Believe me, I bring this up. But! If there's money to be made, for some reason he can blow that off. Or forgive it. Or understand it. Or something.

fish said...

I prefer dictator cobbler.

blue girl said...

The Skimmer just said that he and his mom talked about this (she still defends Nixon) and he said to her it was basically a prize for not being George Bush. And she said, "DON'T BE SILLY!"

Gah! lol

Churlita said...

Where do I stand in line to collect my prize for not being George W? I suppose all I'll get is some of that dictator cobbler, and I've had that before. It tastes really bitter.

almostinfamous said...

#11) too busy smashing a champagne bottle over yet another giant phallus

almostinfamous said...

stupid blogspot. the actual link goes here...

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=10603141

Snag said...

cod·dle (kdl)
tr.v. cod·dled, cod·dling, cod·dles
1. To cook in water just below the boiling point: coddle eggs.

The yolk's on him.