10) Replacing communion wine and wafers with stout and chips.
9) Swapping out guitar mass for Beatles Rock Band mass.
8) Reversing Catholic decree forbidding annulment by decapitation.
7) Incorporating Cockney “Gov’nor Jim Bible” into liturgy.
6) Mailing out coupon book including five free indulgences.
5) Letting married Anglican priests remain married under the doctrine of pre boneum.
4) Allowing priests to wear Union Jack vestments.
3) Promising that all gay clergy will remain securely closeted.
2) Offering exchanges for full parish credit on female priests.
1) Agreeing to excommunicate the 21st century.