Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Top Ten Tuesdays: What healthcare reform alternatives are we hearing from Republicans?

10) Allowing a tax deduction on all leaches purchased for medicinal purposes.

9) Eliminating all doctors, medicines, and hospitals so the free market can heal the sick directly.

8) Strengthening preventive care by offering free laying on of hands from the preacher of your choice.

7) Replacing overweight, unhealthy Americans who demand affordable healthcare with thinner, meeker foreigners who will be ecstatic for a glass of clean water and a couple of Advil.

6) Letting insurance companies regulate themselves if they promise to really, really, really try to not deny coverage to people unless that coverage is really, really, really going to interfere with the fourth-quarter earnings.

5) Providing free prescription drugs for any American willing to be part of the clinical testing.

4) Allowing every American to take control of their health care by giving them a free bottle of whiskey, a stick to bite on, and a bone saw.

3) Funding an expedition to search for a sparkly, magical healthcare pony that can fix all of our coverage problems with a flick of its rainbow-colored tail.

2) Offering access to quality government-run health care and free international travel at all local recruiting stations.

1) Giving every American the freedom to choose between the health care system that we now have and the option to move your whiny asses to Canada or Europe if you think it’s so much better there, you freedom-hating, socialism-loving, quality-of-life-worshiping traitors.

12 comments:

stankmeister fish said...

9) Eliminating all doctors, medicines, and hospitals so the free market can heal the sick directly.

The invisible finger is going to check your prostate.

Brando said...

No need for that, we were all recently probed during the bank bailouts.

stankmeister fish said...

No kidding. Didn't even cut his fingernails first.

Noelle said...

Encouraging more people to run for congress so they can get on the congressional plan.

Yes, there are only limited seats, so lets just add more seats in some Republican districts.

Jennifer said...

Offering a "natural selection" alternative- i.e., remaining uninsured, to appease those evolution believers across the aisle.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

7) Replacing overweight, unhealthy Americans who demand affordable healthcare with thinner, meeker foreigners who will be ecstatic for a glass of clean water and a couple of Advil.

I don't think Limbaugh/Faux audience will appreciate this one.
~

Churlita said...

What did the senior George Bush say when he was president? That everyone should just eat healthy and exercise and then they wouldn't need insurance? I couldn't find the exact quote, but as I remember it was something that ridiculous.

Snag said...

By deregulating the market for internal organs.

Kathleen said...

11a) charging you a several thousand dollar fine if you don't buy insurance.

oh wait, that's the Dem proposal...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17) All doctors replaced with zombies.

Brando said...

I like the natural selection idea. Very Dickensian. Are there no workhouses?

Churlita, he probably said that when he was hypnotized by the grocery scanner at the store. Because I guess buying your own food and affordable health care are for the poor.

Jennifer said...

Are there no workhouses?

LOL

Perhaps sick individuals could work at the zoo in exchange for insurance... you know, like for lion feeding time... Oops! Too sick to outrun the lion! Oh well... Next!