10) Getting a frontal lobotomy.
9) Pushing for a presidential candidate who won't overthink the issues the way George W. Bush did.
8) Sticking fingers in ears and yelling FREEDOMCHOICEWELFAREMUSLIMSMEXICANSUSAUSAUSA during debates.
7) Reminding them the Bible says nothing about regulating the free market.
6) Vowing to keep teabagging against gay marriage.
5) Fighting to make sure the United States never becomes the comfortable, peaceful, tolerant communist apocalypse that Canada is.
4) Using abstinence programs to find virgins suitable for sacrifice to Lord Cheney.
3) Running through the streets and yelling, “A government option is people, IT’S PEOPLE!!!”
2) Promising to cure unemployment, the stock market, world hunger, global warming, drug violence, drug addiction, cancer, obesity, declining church attendance, increasing Mexican presence, a lack of anything good to watch on cable, autism, and erectile dysfunction—through tax cuts.
1) Making “socialist” the new “black guy.”