Tuesday, August 18, 2009

TopTen Tuesdays: How are we appealing to the conservative base?

10) Getting a frontal lobotomy.

9) Pushing for a presidential candidate who won't overthink the issues the way George W. Bush did.

8) Sticking fingers in ears and yelling FREEDOMCHOICEWELFAREMUSLIMSMEXICANSUSAUSAUSA during debates.

7) Reminding them the Bible says nothing about regulating the free market.

6) Vowing to keep teabagging against gay marriage.

5) Fighting to make sure the United States never becomes the comfortable, peaceful, tolerant communist apocalypse that Canada is.

4) Using abstinence programs to find virgins suitable for sacrifice to Lord Cheney.

3) Running through the streets and yelling, “A government option is people, IT’S PEOPLE!!!”

2) Promising to cure unemployment, the stock market, world hunger, global warming, drug violence, drug addiction, cancer, obesity, declining church attendance, increasing Mexican presence, a lack of anything good to watch on cable, autism, and erectile dysfunction—through tax cuts.

1) Making “socialist” the new “black guy.”

9 comments:

Mendacious D said...

5) Fighting to make sure the United States never becomes the comfortable, peaceful, tolerant communist apocalypse that Canada is.

5a) or every other industrialized nation on Earth.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

11) Put a birdie picture on my blog. (Bob Marley, also.)
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Canadia comfortable?

During winter? And need I mention the Rush?

Not that there's anything wrong with Rush.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

17) Making sure you can carry assault rifles when you go to watch the President at a Townhall.

As long as the President is a Democrat, or a black guy, or both.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

18) Making sure your right to obliterate other people's right to have a political discussion is unabridged.

fish said...

Reach out with a Rock music rally.

Churlita said...

So, that's what all those abstinence programs were REALLY for...They make a lot more sense now.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I watched Glenn Beck today. I made it home in time and honestly, I wanted to see if for the comedy value. It was classic listening to him interview some nobody on healthcare in the UK. I just kept saying to myself: how are these men experts on the topic and I'll entertain the cost concerns when someone from the right defends the costs of the Pentagon and why it's not in danger of bankrupting America.

Good stuff, B.!

the Duke said...

Brilliant! You rock!