9) Ixnay on the liberalism-ay.
8) That was close. What the hell's the matter with you, someone could have been listening.
7) We don't like to use the "L-word" in public.
6) Why? Because the American people can't handle it.
5) Okay, okay, sure, they tend to support things that rhyme with schmiberal, like universal health care coverage, social security, and not using a Sears Die Hard and two paperclips to extract information from a guy who may or may not be a terrorist.
4) But if you just go around shouting "I'm an L-Word" from the top of the Capitol dome, do you know who might hear you? Fox News! And they're not afraid to use the L-Word, let me tell you!
3) It's even worse when the other Republicans in Congress get a hold of the word. Sure, there aren't many of them left, but they're really scary and carry a lot of weight with our most rapidly declining demographics!
2) So we prefer to use terms like "centrist," "bi-partisan," and "totally not socialist." And not make any sudden movements that might startle voters.
1) Instead, think of us like the light beer of progressivism: You can drink us all day without feeling any different, except you have to pee a lot.