10) Found walking upright and breathing through nose so refreshing, we decided to do it permanently.
9) "Supermajority" sounds so bitchin'.
8) Constant whining about religious persecution got on our last goddamned nerve.
7) Tired of consoling drunk, sobbing Newt Gingrich at 3am about the future of the Republican party.
6) Was only using conservatism for the tax cuts.
5) Wanted to join a party that would support our fetish for having a dominatrix bash our groin with a gavel while reading dirty-sounding words from Robert's Rules of Order.
4) Couldn't shake the feeling we were being watched when using the GOP men's room.
3) Three words: Palin in 2012.
2) Obama is just so dreamy.
1) Have you listened to these guys?