Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Top Ten Tuesdays: How are we planning to improve vehicle emissions and fuel economy?

10) Drivers receiving fellatio must use cruise control to prevent fuel-wasting surges of acceleration.

9) Commissioning The Eagles to write a new PSA, "Life in the Carpool Lane."

8) All automotive air-conditioning will return to it's lowered-window-based roots.

7) Dominos will now promise to deliver pizzas within three hours in order to save gas.

6) Motorists will receive tax credits by planting trees in their trunks.

5) New talking cars will berate us into getting off our goddamned fat asses and walking to the corner store instead of driving two blocks like a bunch of lazy fucks.

4) Funding fuel efficiency research by requiring men with small penises to pay an Overcompensation Tax when purchasing large trucks and SUVs.

3) Anyone killing themselves with car exhaust can purchase pre-suicide carbon credits online.

2) Developing the new Ford Flintstone, the world's first foot-powered car.

1) Paying a lot more for that environmentally-friendly muffler.


ZenDenizen said...

#10 is your most out of control entry ever!!!

fish said...

RE: #8, we used to call it the 4X50 cooling system 4 windows down and 50mph.

Brando said...

Zen D, #10 is completely fictional and not based at all on the author's real life.

Fish, I remember driving through the desert around Needles, CA, and the AC went out in my car. I tried rolling down the windows but the air was so hot, it was cooler with them rolled up.

Churlita said...

#4 is perfect.

Jennifer said...

Drivers of #10 must also be fined for causing a gapers block... you may think the door is blocking the view, but semis are tall... income accrued from fines will be used to develop new auto-stimulus.

fish said...

I think #10 still results in a net positive for emissions.

Michelle said...

Sign me up for #5. The talking car should also take the place of the almost-sober friend trying to convince the completely-not-sober friend that he is, in fact, drunk and should surrender his keys.