Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Top Ten Tuesdays: What are we unveiling in our address to Congress?

Special extra wordy edition!

13) Opening set by Rahm Emmanuel from his new one-man show, "Suck My Donkey Dick, You GOP Leg Humpers."

12) New remix of "Hail to the Mothaf****n' Chief (feat. Jay-Z, TI, and Rihanna)."

11) Plan to place all unemployed Americans in suspended animation chambers until new jobs are created for them.

10) Method to solicit new ideas for economic growth through a new TV show, So You Think You Can Rescue the Economy from Apocalyptic Collapse?

9) A revolutionary new program that will increase our health, reduce our dependence on foreign oil, and greatly reduce the number of traffic fatalities: walking.

8) Immediate lowering of the unemployment rate by officially recognizing "slacker" as an occupation.

7) Plan to firm up investor confidence and get the stock market pumping again by merging the financial sector with the porn industry.

6) Proposal to cut Post Office expenditures by requiring all non-essential mail to be Twittered.

5) Tearful, factually-challenged apology about unethical banking practices, delivered by Alex Rodriguez.

4) Initiative to reduce teen sexual activity by requiring children aged 12-17 to watch their parents having sex (mandatory minimum of three sessions of intercourse).

3) Bold new declaration to end our current economic depression by invading Germany and Japan.

2) A wardrobe malfunction that gives a little stimulus to the ladies (and certain male supporters).

1) A call that the nation should commit itself, before the next decade is out, of going to Mars, bitches! M.A.R.S.!

14 comments:

Jennifer said...

I could literally feel the fishhook being set on #9 as I read along like the gullible weasel I am.

And... requiring 3 sessions for #4 could take too long... although, one viewing might just do it.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

so this is the extended live version with Neil Peart Drum Solo?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

much more happy-making fun blog octopus than last week's, Brando.

Obviously, you have been listening to much Rush; I suspect Counterparts

Churlita said...

7.) Did the porn industry ever get the bail-out they were asking for yet?

Jennifer said...

Wouldn't the porn industry get a pull out?

Brando said...

I was going to make a bad pun about it, but I used them all up in the Wall Street mistress piece. I feel rather impotent on the matter.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Gawd, did Filthbot write this week's post?

Brando said...

AG, the filthbot writes 80% of what's on this blog.

Vincetastic said...

This is an awesome top thirteen list, anyone can post a top ten to our site http://www.toptentopten.com/ and then link back to your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.

fish said...

This is an average top thirteen list, a select few mediocre talents can post a top ten to our site http://www.toptenwannabe.com/ and then link back to your site. The coolest feature is that on Thursdays we post cute cat pictures. Often with amusingly misspelled captions.

Churlita said...

The Fish comment is hilarious.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Filthbot is a busy bot then.

Snag said...

Idle bots are the Devil's playground.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

LoL @ Snag.

Where our Friday music?

AG sad.