Florida Senator calls for less government, more air freshener
BIZZAROWORLD, USA – During the middle of a prewritten Republican rebuttal to President Obama’s state of the union address, Florida Senator Marco Rubio made an unexpected detour when he excused himself to use the bathroom.
After discussing the need to cut taxes, improve Medicare, and enact a number of other budgetary and social welfare policies that are completely at odds with each other, Senator Rubio stated, “In the short time I’ve been in Washington, I’ve been frustrated by…by….uh oh,” as he held his right hand over his lower torso. He then uttered under his breath, “Chipotle before my big speech. What was I thinking? Stupid, stupid!” He took a deep breath, spun on one heel, and retreated to the bathroom.
When the cameras remained focused on the empty space where the senator was supposed to be, he called for them to follow and “continue the dialog.” The crew followed him to the lavatory door, which Rubio had left wide open as he prepared to use the facilities. A quick reaction from a key grip to close the door saved the situation from becoming a national trauma.
“Where was I? Oh yeah, frustrated,” Rubio continued. “It has been….difficult…to deal with the…gridlock…that the president and….Democrats….have used to block the…the…oh, God…passage….of key reforms….whew.” Rubio then laid out five key strategies for successful bipartisan action on America’s most pressing issues, all of which were inaudible due to the sound of him washing his hands and the toilet flushing twice.
At that point, Senator Rubio emerged, took a sip of water, and closed his address by saying, “Thank you for listening. May God bless all of you, may God bless our president, and may God continue to bless America, especially with ample supplies of Charmin and Pepto-Bismal.”
After a moment of silence, he said to the crew, “Wow, I just put the butt in rebuttal, boys. Seriously, don’t go in there if you value your eyebrows. Hey, why is that light on the camera still red?”
11 comments:
anyone taking wagers on that drink being the cold open on SNL this weekend?
Marco's water broke?
~
"...may God bless our president, "
That part didn't ring true.
Most awkward live political moment ever? Clinton look more comfortable admitting to the Lewinsky affair.
I cannot get over the water. why was it so far away? why was it in such a tiny bottle?
LOL infinity as beege would say.
lol @ putting butt in rebuttal. :)
I actually turned off the TV b/c I could tell he needed water so bad. It was making me so uncomfortable!! So I missed the whole reaching for it live.
All I could think of was that guy needed a fix in a bad way.
It almost looked like, as he was reaching for it, somebody was inching it away from his fingers. Much like Mitt Romney and the 2012 election.
What he needed was a crazy straw.
with Republicans, EVERY straw is a crazy straw.
I was hoping his mouth was so dry that his upper lip got hung up on his teeth... thus making him look like a crazed beaver.
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