Special extended homily edition!
14) Working full time on bath soap line, Pope-on-a-Rope.
13) Starting a new international language club, The Latin Kings.
12) Can’t stomach another month of Filet O’ Fish on Lenten Fridays.
11) After a lifetime of working on canons, want to hit the gym to work on our guns.
10) Finally celebrating Fat Tuesday the way God intended: showing our tits for Rosary beads.
9) Tired of people making infallible jokes when our NCAA bracket goes bust.
8) Starting new death metal band, The Cardinal Sins.
7) The frock and funny hat make it really hard to pick up women.
6) Becoming an image consultant for the Republican party.
5) Feel the Catholic Church needs the strength and energy that can only be provided by a 75-year-old Pope.
4) Lawyers won’t automatically know where we live.
3) Drinking six chalices of the "Blood of Christ" every day is turning our liver into water.
2) Want to be able to end our papal life with dignity and on our terms, before we become a shell of our former selves.
1) Natural instinct for a Ratso to be the first one off a sinking ship.