Special extra 12 days of Christmas edition!
11) Box of rubbers with two missing.
10) Phone pre-loaded with a video of our sister-in-law which was clearly meant for brother’s stocking.
9) Copy of budget proposal with an orange bronzer stain that looks like face of Pontius Pilate.
8) One pissed-off tarantula.
7) Peppermint Xanax canes (thanks, sis!)
6) Bottle containing the Ghost of Drunk Christmas Past, Present, and Future.
5) A lump sum from the coal lobby.
4) White Flower candle from Confederate Candle.
3) Four-Finger Louie’s fifth finger (with bonus pinky ring).
2) Brochure from Santa’s Village, the old folk’s home our ungrateful children are committing us to.
1) Note saying, “Sry, naughty – S.C.”