10) Republican, because the best preparation for a future without electricity is a government that’s already medieval.
9) Democrat, because we need to know we can buy rubbers after the bars close.
8) Libertarian, because hands off my shit or I’ll fucking cut you.
7) Green, because, dude.
6) Constitution, because we are also old white people who take a dim view toward blacks.
5) Tea, because FREEDOM TAXES DEBT GUNS ILLEGALS JESUS BLARGH!!!
4) Independent, because we love Burger King’s hamburgers but prefer McDonald’s fries.
3) Socialist, because these student loans aren’t going to forgive themselves.
2) Romney, because we want a president we could play polo with.
1) Obama, because his skin looks like our favorite drink at Starbucks and he’s twice as smooth.