Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Top Ten Tuesdays: What are we learning about the real Mitt Romney?

Special extended "guy you would have a glass of Chateau Margaux 1787 with" edition!

15) New and improved empathy circuits now allow him to sense economic pain among the top 5% of all earners.

14) Became a Mormon for the tax-benefits of having multiple wives, only to find out bigamy was outlawed. Boy, was he steamed, but he eventually grew to love Ann.

13)  Is so committed to cutting spending that he will make every member of his administration run with scissors.

12) While governor of Massachusetts, showcased his sense of humor by beating Bill Belichick in a joke-telling contest. 

11) Is a huge fan of rap music outside of the lyrical content. 

10) Had his penis monogrammed. 

9) Relaxes by heading to the Caribbean, cracking open a Corona, and basking in the glow of his offshore accounts. 

8) When he says he buys American, he buys actual Americans.

7) Loves to call New Jersey Governor Chris Christie “Chris Crisco” while twisting his man-boobs until the governor says his name

6) Once nearly died after a three-day Ameritrade bender.

5)  Offered to give gay Republican delegates free haircuts.

4) His flatulence makes the sound of a cash register.

3) Can recite the ticker symbol of any company on the Dow Jones.

2) Provides a little "stimulus" in the bedroom by playing a game called “Just the 1%.

1) Lost a $1 bet with John McCain after he didn't believe John McCain could turn a foreign-born, Middle-Eastern-dictator-named, coke-snorting, jump-shooting, Islamic-schooled, terrorist-fist-bumping Negro into the president of the United States.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

0) Walks into bars and says, "I'd like to order you all around."

Substance McGravitas said...


Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Used an ironing board as a table while in college, doesn't mention that it was the board of directors of Kenmore.

Substance McGravitas said...

Regarding number 9.

Brando said...

LOL, Substance, I didn't see that until after I did the list. It makes it hard to satirize things when there are boats called "Cracker Bay" floating around.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Also, when "Having Clint eastwood speak at the convention" is a WORSE idea than both Sarah Palin and a hologram of Ronald Reagan.