Special extra collateral damage edition!
12) Delivering candygrams.
11) Making damn sure no one cheats in the carpool lane.
10) Showing Santa that there are consequences for putting us on the naughty list.
9) Providing additional surveillance and suppressive anti-personnel fire while stalking celebrities (ModelTMZ only).
8) Supporting additional “sanitation/improvised percussion removal” in nation’s financial districts.
7) Utilizing twin T-shirt cannons to fire XL-sized ordnance into the upper decks.
6) Ensuring that we won’t have to wait in line during the next iPhone launch (requires iHellfire app)
5) Guiding drones to our cubicles so we can do our jobs without the threat of soul-crushing ennui.
4) Getting optional tow package to pull our car home from the bar.
3) Adding panorama shots to our sex tapes.
2) Keeping those damn kids off our lawn once and for all.
1) (tie) Putting star on top of Christmas tree/Lighting the menorah.