Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Top Ten Wednesdays: What are we really worried about?

Special extra fretting edition!

11) Double-dip recession in hairline.

10) Stimulus failing to produce sufficient growth in pants.

9) Conservative uncle who tells us he can cure our homosexuality if we spend some time alone and pray together very, very, very hard.

8) Silicone insolvency reducing our chest rating from DD to A.

7) Toxic climate in Washington has reached Full Frito.

6) Norwegians.

5) Getting embroiled in a caloric quagmire during an endless buffet at Golden Corral.

4) Canadian acquaintances will be able to make us perform unspeakable acts for one of their precious dollars.

3) Won’t be able to resist Michelle Bachmann’s eyes when she floats outside our window and asks to be let in.

2) Retirement will be ruined due to our heavy involvement in bacon futures.

1) Having to save money, spend within our means, buy houses we can afford, drive small cars that get decent gas mileage, and show a little economic prudence instead of spending like drunken sailors who downed a fifth of Viagra and before taking their leave in the Glory Hole District.

15 comments:

Jennifer said...

Buzzkill! Just because your vacation is over does not mean you get to harsh our delusional mellow! M'OK??

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

by my count, 4 dick jokes.

Also, I am pretty sure Viagra doesn't come in fifths.

Jennifer said...

Also, I am pretty sure Viagra doesn't come in fifths.

A fifth of anything pretty much guarantees no one is going to come.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

You're so optimistic, Brando.

Would you like a position in the Ministry Of Optimism?

We guarantee you will get no benefits, and if you receive a paycheck, it will surely bounce.

But we've got all the fringe anyone could ask for.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

We guarantee you will get no benefits, and if you receive a paycheck, it will surely bounce.

How dare you copy my business plan, sir!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Aren't you employed at the Ministry, zrm?

We demand total compliance with Miss Information's program.

You wouldn't want your check to bounce twice, would you???

P.S.WV: communf - I think brando has infiltrated the system.
~

Jennifer said...

Would you like a position in the Ministry Of Optimism?

This is blatant filthbot bait!

fish said...

I like the ministry position. It has you on your knees begging for mercy.

Brando said...

I once was up for a position in the Ministry of Optimism, but I had to pull out of the running early.

Kathleen said...

positions are on a first come first serve basis

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Everybody is banned.
~

fish said...

I hope the requirements for the position are fully laid out.

Brando said...

I agree fish. That usually helps avoid any unwanted disciplinary action.

Jennifer said...

That usually helps avoid any unwanted disciplinary action.

I thought spankings were part of the ministry position.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

for my part, all the disciplinary action is wanted.