9) Said we would curtail agricultural subsidies even though everyone could smell ethanol on our breath.
8) Only wore the minimum required amount of American flag flair.
7) Put a little too much dark into “dark horse” for our political base.
6) Couldn’t shake the tag of being the boring Mormon.
5) Strong disdain for federal government caused us to cough “bullshit” after every campaign promise we made.
4) Khakis couldn’t conceal excitement when discussing the slippery slope of gay marriage.
3) Instead of hypnotizing voters with our eyes, we put them to sleep with our voice.
2) Plan to curb social security costs and promote conservation by relocating endangered gray wolves to America’s nursing homes was not received as well as we hoped.