12) Scene blocking ruined by our constant, visible erections.
11) A winter scene turned nearly fatal when the show inadvertently discovered what we had stashed in the fake snow.
10) Spent the entire third act of our last show doing an a-capella rendition of The Doors’ “The End.”
9) Complained that the show’s creator wasn’t an anti-anti-Semite.
8) Our comedic eye-rolling turned into non-comedic eyes-rolling-back.
7) Paid all the female assistants by shoving twenties in their pants.
6) Other recovering addicts on the show kept trying to get high by cutting us and drinking our blood.
5) At the staff birthday party for the kid who plays the half-man, showed up at Chuck E Cheese with five strippers and a case of Courvoisier.
4) Got to the point where no one knew or cared who our father was.
3) After every punchline, kept shouting “that’s what she said!” and high-fiving the key grip.
2) In a rare moment of sobriety, notified the producers that our hit sitcom was completely devoid of humor.
1) Offended everyone in Hollywood when we said, "We're bigger than Xenu!"