10) Refuse to wipe their feet before using us as human footstools.
9) Looking to replace old, boring political incompetents with exciting new incompetents who are even crazier in the political sack.
8) Fat/crying/screaming man on the radio/TV/Internets told us we should.
7) Decided to embrace candidates who promise a zipper over every nipple.
6) Finally had time to pay attention to politics while being unemployed since last election.
5) Don’t trust any candidate not wearing at least fifteen pieces of American flag flair.
4) Keep ignoring our demands for a return to the facial hair of our forefathers.
3) Angry at establishment politicians who don’t look out for the interests of white men.
2) Ate the cake they told us we could eat.
1) Frustrated that the only jobs they’ve created are of the hand variety.