10) Scooping it up in Gulf-sized Ziploc bag.
9) Raising money for future cleanups by letting Hollywood directors use it as a setting for dystopias about a future America ravaged by environmental disasters.
8) Soaking it up with millions of worthless BP stock certificates.
7) Mumbling something about robots and hoping no one asks a follow-up question.
6) Creating a new reality show, So You Think You Can Clean Up a Catastrophic Man-Made Environmental Disaster?
5) Proposing to flip the orientation of the Earth so that the oil flows “up” into the Gulf floor.
4) Mobilizing the 101st Scrubbing Bubbles Division.
3) Talking tough, because nothing cleans up oil faster than a stern promise of investigations.
2) Sticking heads further in the sand until we no longer see any leaking oil.
1) Handing Sarah Palin a rubber hose and telling her to “suck, baby, suck.”