Quentin Tarantino's Julius Caesar

NARRATOR (in a deep “movie preview” voice)
He shocked you with Reservoir Dogs...He took your breath away with Pulp Fiction...He's coasted on those two films for more than decade...But now, Quentin Tarintino brings you a classic story...

Caesar sits at the bar of a loud club.

CAESAR
I hear a tongue, shriller than all the music,
cry, “Caesar.” Speak. Caesar is turn’d to hear.

NARRATOR
Retold for the modern age...

Brutus and Cassius stand before the open trunk of a Cadillac.

BRUTUS
Let’s carve his ass as a dish fit for the fuckin’ gods.

NARRATOR
Quentin Tarantino’s William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar.

MUSIC UP—“Live and Let Die” by Wings

NARRATOR (cont.)
Starring Christopher Walken as Jules Caesar, the most powerful drug lord in Los Angeles.

CAESAR
Pussies die many times before their deaths,
Guys with balls never taste death but once. (snorts coke)

NARRATOR
Harvey Keitel as Marcellus Brutus...

BRUTUS (wiping blood off face)
Oh, Jules Caesar, thou art mighty yet, you bastard.

NARRATOR
Steve Buscemi as Clay Cassius.

CASSIUS (waving drink around)
But ‘ere we could arrive the point propos’d
Caesar cried, (making whiny, helpless voice) “Help me Cassius, lest I sink.’” Fuckin’ pussy.

NARRATOR
James Gandolphini as Mark Anthony.

Mark Anthony standing on balcony in a hotel bathrobe.

MARK ANTHONY
Friends, Romans, scumbags, lend me your ears. Hey in the back, I’m talkin’ here!

NARRATOR
Juliette Lewis as Portia Brutus...

Portia sits in front of a trailer in cut-off jean shorts.

PORTIA
Shoot, think you I am no stronger than my sex
Being so father’d and husbanded and stuff?

NARRATOR
Uma Thurman as Calphurnia Caesar

Calphurnia does the Pulp Fiction dance.

NARRATOR
And Samuel L. Jackson as Mr. Soothsayer.

Mr. Soothsayer grabs Caesar at a pro football game.

MR. SOOTHSAYER
Beware the Ides of March, motherfucker!

Caesar is on his knees, facing Brutus. Brutus and Cassius point guns at Caesar.

NARRATOR
In a world of treachery and greed, even the most powerful of men...need someone they can trust....

CAESAR (to Brutus)
Et tu, Brute...you piece of s—

Gunshots drown out the word.

NARRATOR
Everywhere this summer.