10) DNA evidence found covered in Alfredo sauce.
9) Prosecution’s portrayal of us as a sex-crazed, thrill-seeking nymphomaniac made us very, very, very sympathetic to the Italian court.
8) Received a credible alibi when Iran testified that we were spying on their nuclear reactors during the night in question.
7) Our Italian defense lawyer leapt over every accusation rolled out by the prosecution and hammered away at every flaming cross-examination hurled at the defense until he killed the guilty verdict.
6) Surprise testimony by Roberto Benigni put court in such a good mood, it had to acquit.
5) Defense made compelling case that we were victim of mistaken identity and that the real killer was Amanda Hugginkiss.
4) Plea bargain allowed for acquittal in exchange for immediate execution of entire Jersey Shore cast.
3) Pissed that the Brits leaked the original verdict online, so court aired the alternate ending instead.
2) Found out that prosecution’s entire case was lifted verbatim from an episode of Red Shoe Diaries.
1) Guy with the beard and star-spangled hat sitting in the back of the court kept making throat-slashing gestures to the judge.