10) Found walking upright and breathing through nose so refreshing, we decided to do it permanently.
9) "Supermajority" sounds so bitchin'.
8) Constant whining about religious persecution got on our last goddamned nerve.
7) Tired of consoling drunk, sobbing Newt Gingrich at 3am about the future of the Republican party.
6) Was only using conservatism for the tax cuts.
5) Wanted to join a party that would support our fetish for having a dominatrix bash our groin with a gavel while reading dirty-sounding words from Robert's Rules of Order.
4) Couldn't shake the feeling we were being watched when using the GOP men's room.
3) Three words: Palin in 2012.
2) Obama is just so dreamy.
1) Have you listened to these guys?
11) Didn't pass the "Whiter than a Klansman's drycleaner" test
ReplyDelete12) I didn't leave the Republican Party, the Republican Party Left me!
ReplyDeleteThat was so perfect, I am not even gonna add my own.
ReplyDeleteOK, I lied:
ReplyDelete17) DANNY GANS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!!
Yeah, I think this blog needs some black bunting or something...
ReplyDeleteThis blog is back blunting?
ReplyDeleteI love #10.
ReplyDeleteHey Brando, this is another top ten list that's fantastic. #7 is my favorite, I bet Newt is feeling horrible about the Republicans. You can post this to our site http://www.toptentopten.com/ and link back to your site. We are trying to create a directory for top ten lists where people can find your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.
ReplyDelete13) Got a good deal on a new conscience.
ReplyDeletewoke up from 25 year coma.
ReplyDeletew) caught doping with female fertility drugs.
ReplyDeleteSorry I couldn't do a Random 11 today, I had a lot of work to get done.
ReplyDeleteLMAO @ Menacious D
ReplyDelete11) Because they won't update their frickin website.
ReplyDeleteLoved #2 - almost enough to make me leave the party. And you know how serious that is.
ReplyDeleteP.S. it took someecards.com to finally guilt me into reading this. Sad, isn't it?
14) Hit 65, started collecting Social Security, and finally realized I was never gonna make it rich - and, boy, do I feel stupid for how I voted over the last 30 years!
ReplyDelete.
15.) Got tired of Sean Hannity following me around screaming "ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!" in my ear.
ReplyDelete16.) Stench of Ronald Reagan's rotting corpse was getting a little creepy.
16.) That colored fellah didn't turn out to be anywhere near as frightening as FOX News made him look and sound back in November!
ReplyDelete17. Big Tent started reminding me of the Circus and i'm afraid of clowns anyway...
ReplyDelete18. No one wanted to have sex with me as a Republican. Now I'm getting laid again!
ReplyDelete12) Because all of the political and economic theories that I held so dear turned out to be complete bullshit when put into practice.
ReplyDeleteAssemble the committees!! Let the hearings begin!!!
ReplyDelete"Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Republican Party!?!"
"Assemble the committees!! Let the hearings begin!!!
ReplyDelete"Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Republican Party!?!" "
I love it!!!
The REAL #1 Reason:
ReplyDeleteBecause righties are as corrupt and despicable as lefties!
Not to mention that lefties really *ARE* this (observably) stupid!