Special extended media humping edition!
20) Demonstrating fitness to be Commander-in-Chief by going commando.
19) Playing saxophone on Arsenio Hall’s street corner.
18) Strengthening conservative credentials by offering gay, immigrant abortion doctor as a sacrifice to a non-denominational Judeo-Christian deity.
17) Constructing assembly line full of kissable babies.
16) Cancelling endorsement from “Super Bowl-winning quarterback Tom Brady.”
15) Using Ouija board to channel endorsement from Ronald Reagan/John F. Kennedy.
14) Offering all foreclosed homeowners discounted military housing with qualified enlistment.
13) Showing we’re a candidate Americans can have a beer with by going on multi-state pub crawl.
12) Stimulating the economy and promoting family values by offering tax deductions on marital aid purchases.
11) Stressing our acting credentials to California voters.
10) [Your own Top Ten Tuesday entry available with Gold-Level campaign donation.]
9) Vowing to get tough on crime by arresting most of our major fundraisers.
8) Proving that we’re not too old to handle the rigors of being...of being...uh...just a minute, it’ll come to us.
7) Taking urine test on The Situation Room to prove we’re steroid free.
6) Illustrating that we’re in touch with America’s youth by shouting “Wazzup!” at every campaign stop.
5) Promising universal access to Hannah Montana concert tickets.
4) Stripping to the waist and offering to bare-knuckle box Obama for the Democratic nomination.
3) Grabbing last-minute Republican votes by reaching under the stall.
2) Two words: Oprah, bitches!
1) Stressing liberal credentials by supporting a progressive agenda that promises to make America more fair and equitable....just kidding, who wants free schwag from our corporate sponsors?
17a) Constucting assembly line full of tasty babies, under Halliburton contract.
ReplyDeleteYou know, in order to keep the nomnomnomination.
It was like two, two, two for the price of one! Great stuff.
ReplyDelete64) personally planning to ensure the 3Bulls vote by delivering 3 Take Five bars to each registered Bullsie.
ReplyDeleteOnce the delegates are acquired, their votes shall be committed to Bill Mumy.
A) release Mixtape diss of other candidates.
ReplyDeleteCan Bill Mumy wish all candidates out to the cornfield?
ReplyDelete18c) attempting to win sink lettuce eating contest.
ReplyDelete5a) Promising to send Hannah Montana to a remote, rapidly sinking island.
ReplyDelete28)Taking a wide stance.. er........firm stance... against terrorism.
ReplyDeleteNumber seven wins my delegates.
ReplyDeleteArsenio Hall's street corner: ahahahahahahahaha.
ReplyDelete24) Bigger rock in bigger pond
ReplyDelete21) Spending all my time in Vegas, looking to obtain the endorsement of DANNY GANS!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments, and I have to note that I love the random numbering of the comments.
ReplyDelete37) Eliminate Brando
ReplyDelete39) Never mention #37
37) Eliminate Brando
ReplyDelete39) Never mention #37
Classic.
c) ending writers strike by reading vogon poetry
ReplyDeletePlease note that the random numbering thing was my inspiration.
ReplyDeleteLook, I take my validation where I can get it, and if that involves taking the credit for someone else's mild amusement in the comments on someone else's blog, well, let's just say I can be Snag with that.
I vote 9 points for c.
ReplyDeleteWho's Arsenio Hall? Ah,just kidding. I'm older than all y'all.
ReplyDeleteI think politicians should start wearing patches on their suits like race car drivers. Then we can vote for Tide or Mountain Dew. I would totally vote for Mountain Dew.
ReplyDelete